How to Overcome Perfectionism and People-Pleasing w/ Alice Sounthala (RR #80)

3 days ago

2 min read

Rebel Rootz Show Episode #80 with Alice Sounthala.

Watch the full episode on Youtube:

What if perfectionism isn’t helping you succeed, but keeping you stuck?

In this episode, Evonne sits down with licensed clinical social worker Alice Sounthala to talk about perfectionism, people-pleasing, anxiety, self-worth, and the stories we create in our own heads.

Alice explains why perfectionism often comes from fear of making mistakes or being judged, how it creates indecision, and why sometimes the best thing you can do is “fail your way forward.”

They also break down the four attachment styles, why anxious and avoidant people often find each other, and how overthinking a text message can quickly turn into a story that may not be true.

The conversation also explores the difference between changing yourself and trying to “fix” yourself, and why growth should come from what you actually want for your life.

If you’ve ever waited for the perfect moment, struggled to disappoint people, or overthought yourself into doing nothing, this one is for you.

Timestamps:

[00:00] Intro

[04:12] From Filmmaking to Social Work

[06:40] Growing Up as the Eldest Daughter of Immigrants

[10:58] Anxiety, OCD, and Perfectionism

[17:07] How to Overcome Perfectionism

[22:44] Understanding the Four Attachment Styles

[26:56] Why Anxious and Avoidant People Find Each Other

[29:45] Can You Change Your Attachment Style?

[32:55] The Stories We Create in Our Heads

[35:29] Changing vs. Fixing Yourself

[39:08] Compassion, Accountability, and Therapy

[44:47] Quickfire + Final Thoughts

Key Takeaways:

• Growing up fast can feel heavy while you’re living it, but those experiences can also shape strengths you recognize later. ~ Alice Sounthala

• “With perfectionism comes a lot of indecision.” ~ Alice Sounthala

• “I always say fail your way forward in life and lean into uncertainty.” ~ Alice Sounthala

• Your attachment style is not permanent. It can change through awareness, relationships, and working through what triggers you. ~ Alice Sounthala

• “We create our own stories in our head.” ~ Evonne Varady

• Growth is about asking what you want to change, not assuming something about you needs to be fixed. ~ Alice Sounthala

• “You can offer compassion and still call people out on their bullshit.” ~ Alice Sounthala

• Perfectionism and people-pleasing are often closely intertwined. ~ Alice Sounthala

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Timestamps:

Key Takeaways:

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